I’ve been diagnosed with „ADHD“. I put „ADHD“ in quotes not because I think „ADHD“ doesn’t exist – it certainly does and finally having the conclusive diagnosis at the senior age of my late 40ies/early 50ies is a relief of epic proportions – but because cutting edge research pretty much agrees on the fact that the term ADHD is basically a grossly simplified misnomer emphasizing a small subset of external symptoms of the condition. I’ve done extensive research in terms of getting familiar with the most prolific and up-to-date literature on the topic and can conclude that contemporary research and literature by now sees ADHD as little more than a historic technical term for a less obvious set of functional and emotional traits that add up to the diagnosis.

There are ongoing debates within the scientific community regarding ADHD. One being whether ADHD even can and should be classified as a disorder or if it’s simply an unusually high measure of extroversion, creativity and openness in individual character. The famous psychologist Jordan B. Peterson is one of those who strongly supports this school of thought on the issue. He also emphasized the dilemma of the creative that has it’s own set of challenges in the modern world.

ADHD isn’t a fad, but it is a mixed bag.

Some others say ADHD is mostly a genetic disposition and inherited and those in that camp tend to subscribe to the hunter/gatherer/nomad theory that assumes that ADHD-traits are hereditary traits passed down from human populations that only settled late (or never) over the course of development of human civilization. The basic theory often being that ADHD is nothing other than elevated human character traits that make the individual somewhat „unsuited“ or „unfitting“ for life in modern civilization which strongly emphasizes settlement, agriculture and accounting, meaning relatively complex long-term resource planing and assignment. The ADHD expert Thom Hartmann could be named as the primary proponent of this theory of „Hunter/Gatherer/Nomad in a Settler/Farmer/Accountants World„.

This isn’t an outlandish theory and I consider it to have solid merit. It is well know that ADHD-types feel particularly relaxed in environment with low sensual stimuli, such as deserts or scarcely settled terrain like the Scottish highlands or mountainous regions of Patagonia.

It is one of my favorite takes on ADHD, the only downside being that it doesn’t alleviate my related suffering in modern society and simply blaming that on our somewhat insane and inhuman machine-culture appears to me to be somewhat cheap and not very helpful to me in alleviating any baseline anxiety I feel in conjunction with my ADHD.

It is well established that healthily functioning ADHD-types are often unusual personalities with high capability of extroversion, a drive to „break the mold“ and tend to focus on establishing new ground or living out their adventurous streak. Thus again putting water on the mills of Jordan B. Peterson and his assessment of the creative dilemma of personalities with unusually high extroversion, openness and creativity and that causing what we have chosen to call ADHD.

I generally lean towards the genetic, actually-it’s-just-regular-human-traits and propensity-for-a-certain-lifestyle school of thought, but I also keep a close eye on those that emphasize ADHD more-or-less as a early childhood trauma effect and just recently have taken the path along that route to educate myself on what that camp has to say. Gabor Mate is perhaps the most prominent purveyor of this theory. An ADHD candidate himself he thoroughly lays out his take on the origins of ADHD-symptoms in his book Scattered Minds – The origins and healing of Attention Deficit Disorder (German Edition) *. What is important to note here that he does not fundamentally deny the soothing and perhaps necessary effects of modern ADHD medication, but he is perhaps the ‚purest‘ of proponents of the trauma-based ADHD school of thought.

Here’s where things get interesting.

The scientific community researching ADHD pretty much across the board agrees on two things that are of interest when looking at the complex nature and origins/causes of ADHD:

1.) The traits of this condition are more grounded in executive mechanisms and inhibition of those than mere outward traits of distraction and hyperactivity. Hence ADHD being a misleading term but one that everyone has agreed on would be to cumbersome to change this late in the exploration and definition of diagnostic criteria.

2.) While there most likely is a genetic component to ADHD, it is basically agreed upon across the board that at least in a subset of cases the development of ADHD can be triggered by early childhood events that are generally classified as trauma and trigger/emphasize the development of ADHD traits while growing up, leading to the unusual brain chemisty usually associated with ADHD.

The conclusion would be that ADHD is somewhat of a „natural reaction“ to early trauma and the foundation of baseline anxiety that very often permeates the everyday lives of those with ADHD.

This in itself is interesting but by and large nothing revolutionary as insight, given the complexities of the human brain, the human character and all the external influences and incidents that form us as a personality.

However, there are two other facts that do put a refreshing spin on all things ADHD, that are perhaps sidelined a little too often because they come from the most recent research on developmental trauma. And those psychological facts are:

1.) There is such a thing as Generational Trauma by which behavioral deficits or propensities are passed down through generations by general means of early learned socialization and emotional regulation, putting some perspective on the purely „genetic“ view of things and turning it into an „epigenetic“ perspective.

2.) Symptoms of C(C)PTSD and ADHD can overlap to a very, very high degree(!). (see the videolinks to Patrik Teahan further down for some fundamental insights on this)

Note that these two points are basically undisputed in modern psychology!

Is there a mix? Are generational trauma and ADHD as a diagnosis of suffering related?

Well, most likely yes.

There is a link between ADHD and (generational) trauma.

Keep in mind: ADHD traits are a „bad thing“ only if the ADHD-candidate suffers as a result. If ADHD-traits needn’t be a bad thing, then it’s because the individual either …

a) … was raised in an environment where ADHD traits where cheered or seen and even needed as something valuable – easily imaginable in nomad or half-nomad tribes in which ADHD types are generally regarded as the high-performers – or …

b) … the candidate is so in tune with him/her self that ADHD traits that surface aren’t elevated by the baseline anxiety feedback-loop that drives the suffering and often unhealthy or misleading coping mechanisms of ADHD candidates. The modern artist and adventurer types come to mind as an example of this.

The strongest case for an epigenetic cause of mental illness and symptoms such as ADHD perhaps is made by Bessel van der Kolk in his famous book The Body keeps the Score (German Edition) *. He delivers a well grounded and researched case that basically integrates the genetic/physical and trauma-centric theories of ADHD and other mental illnesses and lays out in detail how emotional reactions are early bodily reactions learned and programmed into our nervous system.

Modern brain research delivers a solid back-up on these observations with strange brain-function-centric therapies such as EMDR or the recent forays into hyper-accelerated therapy, trauma and CPTSD-healing with guided Psilocybin treatments.

What to make of all this?

Having recently embarked on an all-out „I’m-going-to-fucking-solve-this-problem-no-matter-what“ healing journey of mine I can now 110% percent confirm the follwing conclusions:

a) Yes, ADHD exists. It’s a thing. And it ain’t fun, I can assure you that.

b) Simply writing ADHD of as some mere physical hereditary trait is a very bad idea and severly limits any chance of healing the baseline anxieties that often elevate ADHD to an uncontrolled hell-ride of trauma-centric lifestyle. And that certainly ain’t fun either.

My recent forray into C(C)PTSD, toxic shame, attachment wounds and other related topics has driven the point home for me: It would be foolish to dismiss the „ADHD is unresolved (generational) trauma“ camp.

What intially set me of on this journey are the insights the YouTube Therapist (for lack of a better technical term) Patric Teahan has on this specific topic: Adult ADHD and Childhood Trauma and ADHD or Trauma Noise? – 4 Examples. The man is one of the YouTube heroes of modern therapeutic insight and if you’re a sceptic on any link between ADHD and (generational) trauma and his YouTube lectures fail to convince you otherwise I’m out of options.

This is scary.

The final conclusion of all this is scary and somewhat anxiety-provoking and depressing in itself. It means simply calling it „ADHD“, taking my medication and navigating my life as I have with all the coping mechanisms at hand isn’t the final option anymore. It’s like taking the (next) proverbial Red Pill™ regarding my own mental health. It means there actually is a vast and unexplored land of inner white noise and uncharted territory of trauma, emotional neglect, elevated re-traumatization and there actually are countless opportunities for healthy relationships I missed but could have had if it weren’t for the burden I carry.

Yes, I did learn to be resourceful. Yes, I did learn to be grateful for the little things. Yes I did lead a good life to the extent of my abilities. Yes, I did learn to get up again after falling.

But that doesn’t make the Wall of Goo holding me back go away.

It doesn’t help me mitigate my mood-dependent behaviors. Or heal my baseline anxiety. It doesn’t give me the confidence to fully let go of unhealthy people-pleasing. It’s freakin‘ hard and so damn exausting. Like navigating a dark, lightless cave using only a laserpointer, a notebook and triangulation. It fucking sucks and has my hairs stand on end and the severe anxiety-shakes come up again.

A new, better me is now my Promised Land™.

But what it also does is hint at an ever-so-slight, distant confirmation: No, you aren’t fundamentally broken. No you aren’t of lesser value. Yes, you are doing great. No, it wasn’t/isn’t your fault. Yes, you were neglected as a child and you are lovely and deserve admiration, love and affection. No, the world doesn’t have to revolve around you for you to be valuable. No, you don’t have to perform like a grandmaster to be accepted and appreciated. There is just an epic backlog of fundamental childhood experiences of love and integration that you and your entire family has missed out on for at least two generations.

What a prospect to appreciate such an insight. At the age of 53 I might just embark on a journey that opens up the next level of well-being and integration that I deserve. And certainly do crave.

ADHD runs in my family. But so certainly does generational trauma.

Since my teens I’ve always had the suspicion that there was some sort of milieu-damage and „family castle“ mentality going on in my family. Observing other families after finally settling down for good in northern Germany after moving house 13+ times, roughly once per year, for no good reason … fucking insane, that’s what. Observing my grandmother on the mothers side – a prime case of Narcissistic Personality Disorder and – at least so says my uncle – ADHD traits and observing the baseline of dysfunction in my mother and all of her siblings did quite early on hint at that from multiple angles.

After looking into my own somewhat advanced biography and honing in on the ADHD diagnosis and then tripping over an elevated emphasis of correlation with ADHD and C(C)PTSD symptoms I’m back to that side of things, equipped with high-quality modern insight into the human condition brought forth in recent decades by further and further research and insights in the field of psychology.

I’m certain I will crack this nut. It isn’t going to be easy or quick, but the time sure as hell is ripe and I’m as ready and prepared as I’ll ever be.

Beyond a cult, some nebulous spirituality or religion, beyond simple stoic one-liners and a mere performance-centric mindset or an unhealthy over-romantisation of a quasi-distopian cyberpunk lifestyle lies a promised land of futher integration and a place with no toxic shame, no perpetual anxiety and healthy relations with healthy people. Any trauma-based part of ADHD I’m ready to tackle and any adventurous part that remains I will embrace to its fullest.

I’ll be reporting on my journey.

Stay tuned.

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